He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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