New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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