I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
