No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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