first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
