every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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