Even my vagina gasped.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think a kid would responsible me up
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
