Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
