I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
