Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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