So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
