I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
