I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
