ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
