this boner is exhausting
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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