I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
