one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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