and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
