I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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