Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
