Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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