I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
