God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
