Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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