Swine flu is the new snow day.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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