if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
We named our party play list daddy issues
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
