Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
