i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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