hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
