are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
