i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
