my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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