dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
