I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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