Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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