man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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