well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I want to fling myself into the sun
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
