I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
