You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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