new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
