so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Never underestimate the power of titties
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
