Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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