My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
