as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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