her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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