Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
