3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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