First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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