Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
