i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
