The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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