You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
