I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
